the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
