I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
