and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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