I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
