I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
