my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
