Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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