What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
