You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Randomize
