Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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