I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize