Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Come on in and take your pants off
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