I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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