Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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