what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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