im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
