Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
