i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
