I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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