Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I see more hoeing in ur future
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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