He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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