she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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