Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
