do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I party with great urgency now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
