i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
