She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
