All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
