This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
