well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
