i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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