Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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