Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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