I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
