she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
