I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
