i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
