perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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