somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
