Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
