I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
