do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
