Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize