Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
