I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
