I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
