Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
