Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Its about making memories worth repressing
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize