btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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