this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
