i will never coherently bang her
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
