I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
