I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
