I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize