Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
