I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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