pop tarts are not kleenex
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
