Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
