grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
