Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
