I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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