pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
