he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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