god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
