rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's great music for shaving your balls
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
