Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
