Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
