I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
