I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
