you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
