I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
