she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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