I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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