why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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