so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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