If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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