The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
