I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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