that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
